I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
