Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
