Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
