idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
