Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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