Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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