Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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