remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
