ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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