She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
