You just made me feel so damn special
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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