K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize