aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
