I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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