This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
