Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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