you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize