Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
