I think i peed on brittanys purse
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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