been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
