I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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