hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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