Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
