Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
