You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize