i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize