you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
