It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Randomize
