So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
