He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
