GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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