Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
