We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
