Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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