Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You pole danced in your parka.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
