oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
