her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize