Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
