You just made me feel so damn special
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
