we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
