I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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