I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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