Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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