i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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