i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
