worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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