if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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