this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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