so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
