Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize