Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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