i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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