You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
