I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I smell stomach acid.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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