mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
3 2 1 whiskey
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My life is pants optional.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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