1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
