I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
