you would pick up someone in the library
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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