Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
