your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
