Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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