Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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