$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
