i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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