so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
