so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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