I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
