theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
True strength comes from lack of pants
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
