Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
