i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
