the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Well I just put wine in my tea
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
