she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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