what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
