If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
